Foundations: Supporting Families

Registered Charity No. 1150716

Separation And Divorce Support

Separation for Parents and Children is a difficult and emotional time, increased often by mistrust, uncertainty and change. Foundations hold a drop in service each Tuesday between 10.00-14.00 to give 1:1 support in these difficult circumstances, this service is sponsored currently by Santander and is free to all.

Please call 01634 829588 to book your slot or if this is not convenient we can look at an alternative time.

If at this time you do not feel able to talk about your situation here is some advice on how to manage for all involved:

Parents and Carers

When a relationship ends trusts also ends and it becomes very difficult to separate feelings from what has happened. As adults we know the feelings and we deal with them although not always rationally and safely. For your children this loss and grief is more difficult to understand and work through. What we know is for children moving forward are very dependent on the help and support that they have from the parents they live with, how many changes there are to their day to day routine and how the parents and extended family members behave.

Most adults like to think that they act in the best interest of their child, however when emotions are heightened there is a risk that although we believe that we are acting in their best interest that the emotions are clouding our perceptions and often we are not.

We all need support in doing what is best and making decisions about the most vulnerable and loved members of our families particularly children, we have to make decisions on whether to have them vaccinated and consider the risks if we do and the risks if we don't and weigh this up. It is not an easy task.

For some children there will be risks; those who have experienced the Mental Health illness of a parent or a parent who is verbally or physically abusive or is addicted to drugs or alcohol. The simplest and logical way to stop this risk is to make sure they do not see the person with the issue or any of their family members, but is it?

You have to remember that your child/ren is part of both of you and whilst you may regret the relationship whether a one off encounter or years of misery or a great few years you have the most wonderful gift from it your child/children. Your child has a right to and needs to get to know that parent no matter what. Your role is to ensure that it is safe and for many children whose parent felt that the safest way was to stop them seeing them was mistaken. For many children who have not had the opportunity to get to know their mother/father or other extended family member the negative impact on them can be far reaching. They are more at risk of truanting school, getting involved in anti social behaviours, getting involved in criminal activities, and later in life developing Mental Health issues, drug and alcohol abuse, have difficulties in their own relationships both with adults and their own children. Latest research also suggests that this also places them more at risk into being taken into the care of the Local Authority.

For some children they are cared for by step parents, grandparents, other family members or even foster carers and adopters, what is becoming increasingly evident is that they need to have a rounded understanding of their birth relatives and where possible some sort of contact, whether this is via letter or face to face.

If you would like to know more talk to us about the IMPACT PROGRAMME or FAMILY GROUP CONFERENCING AND MEDIATION contact us on 01634 829558

Information for Young People and Children

Sometimes it is difficult to understand what has happened or is happening below is some information that we hope will help you.

  • It's okay to feel angry or sad and confused, lots of Children and Parents feel like this when things have changed at Home

  • You may not want to see your mum or dad because they have been mean; and this is natural you need support from all the adults around you to help you work through your feelings.

  • You may be worried about seeing your Mum or Dad, if you are, speak to someone.

  • Remember the situation is not your fault.

  • You do not have to take sides your mum is your mum and your dad is your dad and you love them both, although you may not like them sometimes, particulary when one has hurt the other.

  • It is not up to you to make sure that the adults around you are okay; it is their job to make sure that whatever happens; it is best for you, even if it does not feel like it to you, like going to the dentist, or sometimnes going to school.

  • Some children say they don't want to go to see another parent or family member because they see the upset it causes even when this is not what they really want, others because they are angry; it is best if you do not deny your wishes or make a decision based on anger you need to work through the anger and you should ask a trusted adult to help you with this, it can be a family member or a teacher or even a counsellor.

  • If you want to see a parent but are feeling scared then talk to your mum or dad about seeing them initially at a contact centre where you will receive support.

If you have Supervised Contact at Foundations

  • Whilst at Foundations the Supervisor will be with you at all times to make sure that everything is okay.

  • We have a range of games for you to use, but if there is something else that you would like to do or somewhere you would like to go, speak to your Supervisor who will see if this can be arranged.

  • When having Contact at Foundations you may like to bake with your Mum or Dad. Ask us and will do our best to make sure the Kitchen is free for you to use.

  • Staff and Volunteers are here to support all those affected and are on hand to talk.

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